im here without myself....
im an empty person....
no heart,no soul,no life.....
an empty person....
because all im doing in life is keep people happy.....
not even once have i thought about my own happiness....
like a zombie i keep doing mindless things just to show respect to people.....
i say what they want to hear,i do what they want everytime just so that no one will be mad at me.....
but its so hard....
at points,i just wanna let go n stop caring about people n just cre about me....
but i cant....
im too afraid...
im a coward....
a big coward to express my feelings.....

u wanna know why there's no title to each of my blog???.....
its because its hurts so much to write that i couldht think of title....
i hate everything,every single thing bout me.....
do i believe in happiness???.....
no....
do i believe in love??....
not a single bit......
i am empty at heart......
no matter with who i am,i feel empty....
this hole in my heart wont cure even the slightest bit.....
it wont.....
and will never ever cure no matter what a person do or say to me.....
im not sttuborn but im just letting my heart cure by itself.....
and if it says it wants a long time to cure then im down with it....
i let it takes as much time it wants even if it takes an eternity to cure....
dont force me.......

it's been a long time.....
i have never been able to find the time to write....
im never quite the good writer.....
words always fail me...
and my problems just keeps adding on and on.....
recently my lappy n my phone got stolen.....
i was devastated.....
but i didnt give up....
i kept searching....
and lucky for me i got my lappy back and 400 bucks for my phone.......
i thought it was over but no....
another problem came to me....
now all of a sudden my roomie is avoiding me.....
i cant seem what i've done to make him mad....
i really dont...
but he seems determined to treat me this way.......
what did i do?????...........
i guess i just have to live with it....

emo....
ego...
jealousy...

3 main problem that i have,,,
i have never been able to conquer it..
it seem to always exist in the deepest core of my life...
i hate it...

then comes the problem where people always say what they want to me without even thinking that what they said might hurt me or not..

fuck....

how do i get over this...
how????

i forgot one important pic....
the heart that breaks....
but now theres no longer a heart...
its an icebox...
i have no heart anymoe from all the hurting i suffer...
indeed they say that love is blind...
well my love is an asssasin...
it kills me slowly..
i have suffer so much heartbreak that my tears seem like water to me...
my love life is the point in my life where i have made no progress...
i hate my love life...
recently i suffered two heartbreaks in a succession...
thats was the end of my heart,.....
i soon after that had no heart anymore...
it now is an icebox like i said...

its been so long since i wrote...
i miss it,,,
guess the loneliness in me can only be replace in this blog...
im so lonely...
damn lonely...
my heart keeps reminding me of my loneliness even if i dont want it to do that anymore..
how could this happen to me...
i try to hide it with a smile but that smile is not even long enough to me...
i shake my head and that smile is gone wit the wind..
help me please heart,,,
stop being lonely....
i hate crying again...

and now comes the picture that has caused so many high and lows in my life...

the pic of the broken heart...
im here to say that im unlucky in love...
and still am...
ever since i had my first love until now,i had never have one relationship that is happy n long...
never...
it has always avoid me and still is avoiding me....
it doesnt seem to like me happy...
it likes seeing me miserable....
im alone even when i have a gf............
there has been not one gf that has understand me...
the true me...
the emo me.....
not one...
how i wish i would find the one who understand that side of me..
i really wish it...
now all i get is me being played at..........
i care,love someone so damn much but in the end it was me who end up being dumped like yesterday garbage....
it happen on two quick sessions now.....
well,im to blame for easily falling in love with a person...
damn me!!!...

I HATE MYSELF.....
thats y i hate falling in love again....