emo....
ego...
jealousy...

3 main problem that i have,,,
i have never been able to conquer it..
it seem to always exist in the deepest core of my life...
i hate it...

then comes the problem where people always say what they want to me without even thinking that what they said might hurt me or not..

fuck....

how do i get over this...
how????

i forgot one important pic....
the heart that breaks....
but now theres no longer a heart...
its an icebox...
i have no heart anymoe from all the hurting i suffer...
indeed they say that love is blind...
well my love is an asssasin...
it kills me slowly..
i have suffer so much heartbreak that my tears seem like water to me...
my love life is the point in my life where i have made no progress...
i hate my love life...
recently i suffered two heartbreaks in a succession...
thats was the end of my heart,.....
i soon after that had no heart anymore...
it now is an icebox like i said...

its been so long since i wrote...
i miss it,,,
guess the loneliness in me can only be replace in this blog...
im so lonely...
damn lonely...
my heart keeps reminding me of my loneliness even if i dont want it to do that anymore..
how could this happen to me...
i try to hide it with a smile but that smile is not even long enough to me...
i shake my head and that smile is gone wit the wind..
help me please heart,,,
stop being lonely....
i hate crying again...

and now comes the picture that has caused so many high and lows in my life...

the pic of the broken heart...
im here to say that im unlucky in love...
and still am...
ever since i had my first love until now,i had never have one relationship that is happy n long...
never...
it has always avoid me and still is avoiding me....
it doesnt seem to like me happy...
it likes seeing me miserable....
im alone even when i have a gf............
there has been not one gf that has understand me...
the true me...
the emo me.....
not one...
how i wish i would find the one who understand that side of me..
i really wish it...
now all i get is me being played at..........
i care,love someone so damn much but in the end it was me who end up being dumped like yesterday garbage....
it happen on two quick sessions now.....
well,im to blame for easily falling in love with a person...
damn me!!!...

I HATE MYSELF.....
thats y i hate falling in love again....

the next one on the list...

my phobias...

well this list says it all....

what im afraid of since i know this world....


Acarophobia- Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.
Achluophobia- Fear of darkness..
Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
Aerophobia- Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances.
Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.
Aeronausiphobia- Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness.
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
Agliophobia- Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place.
Agrizoophobia- Fear of wild animals.
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Algophobia- Fear of pain.
Altophobia- Fear of height.
Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia.
Anginophobia- Fear of angina, choking or narrowness.
Angrophobia - Fear of anger or of becoming angry.
Ankylophobia- Fear of immobility of a joint.
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Apiphobia- Fear of bees.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Asthenophobia- Fear of fainting or weakness.
Ataxophobia- Fear of disorder or untidiness.
Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.
Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues - anything that falsly represents a sentient being.
Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.
B-
Bathophobia- Fear of depth.
Batophobia- Fear of heights or being close to high buildings.
Belonephobia- Fear of pins and needles.
Bogyphobia- Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman.
Brontophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.

C-
Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
Catapedaphobia- Fear of jumping from high and low places.
Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
Ceraunophobia or Keraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)Chiroptophobia- Fear of bats.
Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
Clithrophobia or Cleithrophobia- Fear of being enclosed.
Cnidophobia- Fear of stings.
Coimetrophobia- Fear of cemeteries.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
Cryophobia- Fear of extreme cold, ice or frost.

D-
Dementophobia- Fear of insanity.
Demophobia- Fear of crowds.

E-
(Domatophobia, Oikophobia)Eisoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
Enetophobia- Fear of pins.
Enochlophobia- Fear of crowds.
Entomophobia- Fear of insects.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonliness.

G-
Gelotophobia- Fear of being laughed at.

H-
Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia- Fear of blood.
Herpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.
Hobophobia- Fear of bums or beggars.
Hypnophobia- Fear of sleep or of being hypnotized.
Hypsiphobia- Fear of height.

I-
Illyngophobia- Fear of vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down.
Iophobia- Fear of poison.
Insectophobia - Fear of insects.
Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.

K-
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.
Kenophobia- Fear of voids or empty spaces.
Keraunophobia or Ceraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.

L-
Lilapsophobia- Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.

M-
(Sarmassophobia)Maniaphobia- Fear of insanity.
Merinthophobia- Fear of being bound or tied up.
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories.

N-
(Homichlophobia)Necrophobia- Fear of death or dead things.
Noctiphobia- Fear of the night.
Nyctohylophobia- Fear of dark wooded areas or of forests at night.
Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark or of night.

O-
(Pocrescophobia)Ochlophobia- Fear of crowds or mobs.
Odynephobia- Fear of pain.
Ophidiophobia- Fear of snakes.
Ophthalmophobia- Fear of being stared at.

P-
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
Pediophobia- Fear of dolls.
Phalacrophobia- Fear of becoming bald.
Phasmophobia- Fear of ghosts.
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
Placophobia- Fear of tombstones.
Pneumatiphobia- Fear of spirits.
Polyphobia- Fear of many things.

S-
Sciophobia Sciaphobia- Fear of shadows.
Scopophobia or Scoptophobia- Fear of being seen or stared at.
Scotophobia- Fear of darkness.
Selaphobia- Fear of light flashes.
Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
Stenophobia- Fear of narrow things or places.

T-
Taphephobia Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia- Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned.
Tremophobia- Fear of trembling.
Trypanophobia- Fear of injections.Tuberculophobia- Fear of tuberculosis.Tyrannophobia- Fear of tyrants.

and that my friends is the list of the things im afraid of...
n the list keeps on growing...

fourth picture now...
sick..
well,theres a lot of it....
first im full of sickness in me that no normal human being should have...
well,thats explain that im not normal...
hurm....
them im just pretty much sick of everything....
everything from my life to my love life...
enough said!!!
talking about this make me sick....

so,the third picture...
alone...
the words describe me best........
i have always been alone...
all my life...
really2 alone..
because nobody knows me more than my own self...
i always keep things to myself all my life..
since forever....
whether im mad,sad,annoyed or whatever i always keep it close to my heart....
i never had the guts to express it to anyone...
in me is a lot of pain save from all my years.....
theres alot of anguish in my heart..
but i like being alone...
it makes me think...
it makes me see myself better.....
alone so far is my best friend.....