now the 2nd pic...
the one with the sad in it....

well,what can i say....
sadness is never far away from me...
ever.....

it has always accompany through my entire life...
since i was a kid....
i dont know how tears that have fallen from my eyes because of sad things....
i remember how i cried when my dad beat me like hell,
i remember how i cried when my mum calls me a bastard son,
i remember how i cried when my dad wouldnt even call me his son....
i remember how i cried when my pet rabbit died from exposure to rain....
i remember how i cried when i lost my first love....
i remember how i cried when i had a fight with syawal.........
there's a lot more but i choose not to remember because of the pain it caused.....
all i can say is sad is a part of me that will never leave me...

hey,at least its being loyal to me..

so....
this is the part of the show where i reveal the truth....
the truth of me....
i swear what i wrote is the truth,all the truth and nothing but the truth......

if you're seeing my blog you'll see all this pictures around my blog......
they are not pictures only but they represent my life......
as old people always say...
picture's worth a thousand words....

let's start with the first one shall we?.....
the picture in your left with the word emo in it represent my lifestyle...
weird and emotional....
people always say it's not good being emo but did they know what emo really is?...
they don't....
im emo because i choose to be emo......
because to me by being emo im being myself...
emo means you trust your feelings and your feeling only....
and to me my feelings always tell me the truth....
because no one knows me better than my own self....
my heart is the voices in my head....
and i do hear voices...
literally......
by being emo i remain true to myself...
i dont need other people to say anything because i just follow what i hear in me....
and to all,emo means im loyal....
no matter to my family,friends or the person im in love with...
im loyal to them 110%......
no matter how im treated.....
i remain loyal forever.......

ok...

now my adult life....

well,it still is in a working progress....

im still 22.....

i don't know if it's still a long time for me or not but im gonna liva every moment.....

so at the age of 20 i was studying in kuala kangsar for two years....

thanks to me having the chance to further my studies,my relationship with my dad is getting better....

thank god...

i was relieved...

at first i don't know how long we r going to be apart but with that opportunity he was proud of me....

we got along..

something that was only a dream in my early days as his child.......

then it hit me....

although my family and me are ok,me n myself are not.....

im still bitter........

im still sick....

and from sick,it has evolved to me becoming dark,twisted amd demented.....

i was alone again....

i had allow myself to become emo...

a following that i had follow until now...

at the age of 22....

although im now studying again in kptm bangi,myself have never changed....

as a a matter of fact,i lost myself...

i had become fake....

fake to everyone i knew........

and this chapter is still not over by a long shot.....

so....
ladies and gentleman...
this is the time we've been waiting for.....
my teenage years...
the proudest moment of my life...
arggh!!!
who am i kidding?...
there's nothing to be proud of here...absolutely nothing....
literally.....
for all teenagers,they say this is the time for hormon imbalance.....
guess what,it is true....
half of it la...
most of it is down to bad choices and the friends you choose....
this is the time when i became a rebel....
i became mad,i became stubborn as hell....
i cause a lot of trouble for my family....
n i do mean a lot....
at a young age also...
i started smoking at form 1.....
n from that moment i fall even deeper....
studies was never in my mind...
all i want in life is fun....
n i could never have enough of it.....
i skip school,i sleep in class,i made trouble for the teachers.....
i never listen...
never once...
i had it all....
for me at that time,school was the place i could be away from home and my family.....
they never could scold me,or control me....
it was great...
i would hang at cybercafes,shopping complex until noon then go home sleep....
as for home wise,i was the bastard son for my dad....
for him,i was a failure.....
i never in my life had any love from him....
his love was for my sister.....
i was the black sheep.....
tell me,what sort of punishment i didnt receive from my dad....
i received everything.....
canes,slap,punches,kicks,pipes...
all of that.....
i even got smack down with a chair.......
that was for when i home late one night...
the first time of that offence.........
i never did great in exams to....
my pmr wasn't great,my spm was a complete failure......
all my life studying in all guys school i guess.....
then at form 4 i changed school.....
to a mix school...
tell u what....
that school sucks....
it made me culture shock...
first time in a school of gurls and guys in the same class.....
what do you expect....
it didn't do me any good......
i guess it always come down to my bad choices in life again.......

and thats all of my teenage life........
the years where i turn to the dark side....

my childhood

so...
now for my childhood...
what can i say about ny childhood?......
it aint pretty of course....
i guess i wasnt that good with people...
i don't have that much friends.....
in fact i could count how many....
i remember that i could speak in early age...
i learn english n could speak n read it at a young age..
thats something im proud of....
who wouldht...
but then i realize no matter what language you speak,u become too cocky u will fall flat right on your face fast....
i do however befriended my bestest friend until now since i was young...
that person is syawal.........
ever since we were young he was there for me..
we used to live near each other before i moved...
he was the friend that u can only have a few...
when i was sad,he was there...
im happy he was there..
im alone,he was there...
on short he was loyal as i were to him...
he understand me,i understand him...
our family weren't that good to us because to them we're failures...
that's why it was so easy to be friends with him.....

so i think that's it for my childhood...
told you there'e not much in it....

im new to this blog thingy k...

hurm.....

wat can i say....

someone told me that by blogging,it helps me.....

n i'm gonna give it a try...

thanks for that person..

i don't know how many thanks i owe her already...

ever since we met,she has helps me a lot..

n i do mean a lot...

bcoz of all the person that has known me all my life,she's the only one that's has been able to see right through me...

she's been able to see the real me......

but this post,my first post aint bout her yet....

its about me....

the real me.....

and its a long story.....

anyone who has patient only can read my story...

anyone who doesn't,well i just don't give a damn....

its my blog...

read it or get the f out...

sorry...

but my head is voicing out everything...

n im typing it...

so here it goes.....

i was born on 8th february 1988.....

in ipoh...

the town i'm proud to live in......

i was the second child ot three siblings...

my father is mohd tahir bin bahaudin...

my mother is arbaaton binti ahmad....

there's my sister noorshazlina binti mohd tahir....

n there's my younger sister nurul farah atiqah binti mohd tahir.....

i guess thinking back,since i was born i was sick....

i was born by operation,not normal birth....

i had this thing in my eyes that makes my tears won't drop from my eye..

the doctor's had to operate my eyes to make a hole so that i wont go blind n my tears can drop...

imagine that,i was just born n already had an operation.....

i wish i could go back n told the doctors to stop operating...

it would help if i don't have any tears....

after so many that has fallen all my life....

to be continue to my next post....

my childhood...

thanks for reading.....